Reply to Family asking for help, but they're just enablers. How to help them?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Family asking for help, but they're just enablers. How to help them?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd be concerned about your grandparents giving him the house... "because he'll have no place to live."[/quote]

I would stay the F away from this mess. He will likely inherit everything, including the house and most of the money. You will get peanuts.

Secondly once the last grandparents die and he gets everything, h will be fine and find a job to bide the time.  He is played by you all.  Don’t also be an enabler or codependent.  Grandma sounds like a mess whoblikely raised her kids this way and now your delinquent cousin.

Just be pleasant, detached, zero expectations, never open your pocketbook and stay away more than you are.

This is exactly what one of my uncles did until age 45. Then grandpa died, he got 80% of the inheritance over his other five siblings, up and moved to Portland to do IT, is fine, is single.[/quote]

This. You need to wash your hands if this, OP. [/quote]

My BIL was beyond enabled by his parents his whole life. Moving away really helps one grow up, see there are more than your parents' way of doing things, and see what can be improved in yourself/your life/their life.

BIL had over 4 graduate degrees funded by my spouse's parents. He boggled from music job to clean energy job to accounting job to software job - each time getting fired for acting immaturely and likely socially inept. That made him "depressed" and "scared to get a job."
His parents felt bad and then promptly bought him now three rental properties at $750k a pop on their home equity line, simply putting him on the title and deed each time (wow, nice gift for doing nothing!). Hope their retirement is in good shape.... We'll never know since my spouse is too scared to ask... 
So it just keeps going and going.  He had a good girlfriend for a while, and he is lots of fun (think travel, funny guy, no cares in the world), but as he spun his wheels and her career took off, he gets dumped and dumped again. Now he's 36.  The web of co-dependency is thick, his parents never tried tough love, they actually run his rental properties (taxes, repairs, check-ins) for him though he likes to joke that he is indeed a Property Manager and Developer.

We suspect he'll inherit everything and we'll get nothing since "we have careers, a house, a family". We'll get the added benefit of having to take care and manage them in any old age ailments, since local bro is so irresponsible.

OP, take care of yourself. Are you married? ANy kids?  Any other goals to accomplish? get going on those![/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics