Reply to No card, no flowers, no candy from long distance boyfriend

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the above poster is right that either you need to explain in clear terms exactly what you want, or else you need to find a partner who already does this stuff.

Or, two more alternatives:

- You learn to accept that this is how he is. Great in general, not very romantic on holidays.

Another alternative is that maybe him not really doing it up for VD speaks to other problems you're having in the relationship? Do you feel in general that you are investing more in this than he is - or do you overall feel happy?

I remember the summer I was studying for the bar, my then-BF who I'd been long distance with for a long time, sent me flowers for my birthday. And I was devastated. I was under so much stress that summer, and I just wanted a nice present from him - not flowers he could order the day before. But that's because I knew that he and I were in a doomed relationship and I needed this token from him to prove that we were going to be ok.

Fast forward to my now-husband, who is terrible at presents. (My birthday is in July; it's Feb and he hasn't gotten me a present.) But he and I are super super solid, and I never ever doubt that he is really in this thing. So even if I might get irritated every now and then by how the presents go, it isn't devastating.

Anyway, sorry your BF didn't meet your expectations today. I hope things turn up![/quote]

So funny because I want flowers because he’d have to order them the day before! Not a playlist he made this morning! But yes, long-distance is very very hard for us and things do feel shaky as we try to hold on for several more months until we can close the distance, so I’m sure that’s a big part of my negative feelings. I guess that should have been obvious to me.

[/quote]

Did he say he made it this morning? I am with other PPs that think you're being weirdly negative about the spotify list. My dad is HUGELY into music and really associates emotions with specific songs. One of the most significant gestures of love he gave me over the years were CD's he made me with songs that he thought I would love or that he thought represented our relationship or made him think of me. It was a genuine emotion laden thing that he spent a lot of time on.

The first christmas I was with my DH he got me a charging cable for my laptop (and a few other things). It was like a hundred dollar cord and I was so upset because it was such a clinical gift. But now that I know him I know that he looked at my life, looked at things that were making it more difficult (which in this case was my dog chewing my old laptop cord and so it wasn't charging well and had to be like, duct taped into place), and chose something to make my life better.

He is still like this, for christmas this year he gave me an extra charging block for my phone (weird coincidental synchronicity, he doesn't always get me chargers haha). My DH rarely knocks gifts out of the park, but when I think about his gifts, it isn't because he didn't put thought into it. And that is what you need to think about, even if something isn't exactly what you wanted, if your boyfriend put a lot of thought and effort into it, that is what is important. You [b]can always buy yourself what you want, you can't buy someone who cares about you and who tries their best[/b].[/quote]

I do know he made it this morning because Spotify puts the date created on the playlist. So he made it at work this morning. That’s the thing, it doesn’t feel like an ultra curated thoughtful thing, but an oh crap last minute effort with kind of a romantic facade. Which I could be or likely am projecting onto it. But the bolded is completely true and I need to keep that perspective. [/quote]

I am not super familiar with spotify but just because he 'created' or finalized something on spotify this morning doesn't mean he did the whole thing this morning. He could have been making a list of curating for the past week and then just got on there this morning and threw the list together. You really don't know how much thought went into this, and while sure it could be last minute, it could ALSO be really thought out. [/quote]

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