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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are good therapists out there.  My ex was having an affair, but refused to admit it or discuss it in therapy.  He denied, denied, denied, and turned it around and wanted to focus our therapy sessions on why all the trust had gone from our marriage.... like it was just something that happened without any reason.  He wanted to talk about everything he thought was wrong with me that made him unhappy.  I was clear with the therapist that I knew he was having at least an emotional affair with a coworker, but he refused to discuss it.  After a half dozen sessions or so, she told me that it would be unethical to keep seeing us as a couple because she found my ex's actions emotionally abusive towards me and she couldn't be a part of that.

So yeah.... there are some good ones.  Marriage counseling ONLY has a chance of working if the affair is ended, no contact, full stop.  No exceptions.  Even then it's not guaranteed, but if the affair is ongoing you mit as well flush the money down the toilet. [/quote]

My DH had an emotional affair but wouldn't even cop to that (and yes, there was proof he never physically cheated). And when he complained in therapy that he thought I should trust him, our therapist - who was a confrontational guy, rather than a soothing "I'm okay, you're okay" person, practically shouted at him, "You had an AFFAIR! Why should she believe anything you say?" It was awesome. To be clear, that was the early part of therapy. As our therapist told us, all relationships have issues. However, having an affair is throwing a bomb into a marriage, and nothing else can be dealt with until you deal with that fallout.
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