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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The goal of marriage counseling is to improve the communication between the partners.  It is not for a therapist to tell either party what to do.

If you want your wife to stop seeing someone else, then you say that.  Your wife then responds and the therapist helps with the communication.

While it seems like a given to save a marriage, there should only be two people in it, it still needs to said aloud.[/quote]

I am giving you money to counsel us how to fix a marriage. In most people's world that means helpful suggestions should be included.  Helping us communicate is fine. Telling a spouse that cheating is not good for a marriage is also good. [/quote]

Listen, it’s natural for the cheated-on spouse to want to be told they’re right and the cheating partner is wrong, or you’re “good” and he/she is “bad.” Those labels aren’t constructive. The focus needs to be on communicating what needs of both partners haven’t been or aren’t being met. [/quote]

It's okay to cut to the chase and tell someone that they are in the wrong. Seriously, it's not conduct not conducive to a relationship and the reason why the couple is sitting there. If the person thinks it's fine to cheat or cannot commit to a few ground rules, then it's a waste of time for the other partner.

If you are a therapist please, for the sake of all that's good, be direct. I have no idea why refusing to call out terrible behavior by an abuser is such an issue. If you can't provide a simple suggestion, then you are an ineffective waste of money and time.  [/quote]

People may disagree with me, but I’m of the mind that -for the most part- cheating does not happen in a vacuum. So, while that may be the straw that broke the camel’s back and why the couple is physically sitting there, I don’t agree that it’s productive to focus on calling one person out (which is why most don’t). There were likely years of issues and poor communication leading up to the decision to cheat, and that’s what needs to be explored. Again, the therapist isn’t there to validate your feelings. [/quote]

Of course it doesn’t happen in a vacuum.  I asked my ex to lie and cheat and it’s all my fault.  
Oh and I have yet to come across  a counsellor that has said stop coming to see me.

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