Reply to Question to SMCs: do you have a compromise job or career?

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[quote=Anonymous]I know a SMC by sperm donor. She is a relative. She made the choice to go it alone, at a time when her career was thriving. She relocated to another part of the US, with her mother living there to support to help with the grandchild. She seems to be doing exceedingly well in her circumstance, and I suspect it was the planning of her network that went into play with the timing of how she planned everything else. So, to answer your original question, yes I think some SMcs can factor in ways to build that network from the beginning, and it helps in how they achieve their family and professional goals. In the case of my relative, her career does not seem to have suffered and I suspect her planning on protecting that with the choice to build a one-parent household singularly with live-in familial support made that possible.

I know another SP(C) who is in a high paying, high visibility career. She doesn’t seem to suffer in her promotional growth, and I suspect her positioning allows the financial resources to build a support network that helps on tough days (like when both are sick). With enough money, everything can be outsourced. I suspect she can afford it, which is great.

I’m a SP(divorced) with sole custody and a near absentee non-custodial parent who chooses to disengage. My career choice was to focus on education while staying home and being more flexible with the work while my child was young. Now that DD is older and in school, it is easier to commit to greater professional commitment, the money is better, and the guilt of being away is diminished since both of our needs change as we grow older and learn new ways of life.

I think a major difference in SMCs and my circumstance, if I had the ability to know going in, I’m doing this alone, I could have worked in prior years to prepare financially as best I could for potential impacts that might insulate area of my career that would otherwise suffer. When I realized my life was changing, I tried to adjust and do hat best I could, and all in all I’m content with my career ($160k salary, job I love, not perfect balance all the time but what ever is?) and don’t feel I got mommy tracked because I only stepped away temporarily.  when I did I took a huge financial hit, it was a sacrifice to pay the cost of grad school, certifications, etc that still kept me relevant professionally in a community of interest to future employers, so it didn’t look like I was “only being a mom”. To them, I was in academic sabbatical as my hours reduced and I got low profile opportunities - but in the long run I re-emerged in the same place professionally I had as a life goal.

Bottom line, professional planning is just as critical as parental planning, and periods of sacrifice to support the long term goal will happen in one way or another. In my opinion, with each of the 3 examples above, that happened in each woman’s unique way, and careers didn’t take a major hit. In each example, there is a huge community of support because it takes a village. And when you’re single, you’re the chief, building it alone.

Hope that makes sense. And I wish you the best in shaping and achieving your future vision OP. [/quote]

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