Reply to I'm struggling so much with ending my marriage.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP. Thanks for all the responses. I will be much better off financially than he will... I also worry about that and how he will handle it. It’s not that I need to prepare myself (logistically) to leave because I already did that once - it’s just the thought of doing it a second time is gutting. I don’t WANT to leave either. I want the marriage I signed up for, the person I fell in love with. A part of me thinks that person could come back but I don’t know how realistic that is anymore. [/quote]

I'm the PP who said I insisted on a three-month separation to see where things are going. How about that? It's not a permanent decision, but maybe enough to shake him into taking his health seriously. It's imperative that you both go to therapy during that time or it won't work.

I'm also better off financially than my ex. I bought him out of our nice home. He now lives in a crappy apartment all alone. I get so sad every time I go over there to pick up our kids because I think that he could have had it so much better if he would have done what he needed to do. But in the end it's really out of my hands and your hands -- they make their life. You can't control this for him, and if you are anything like me that's a hard thing to let go of. [/quote]

OP here. Yes absolutely I’m a “fixer.” So this is just something that I cannot wrap my head around. I left in September only to return in December, and thought that was enough motivation for him to get help - but I was wrong. I’m so unbelievably sad that I am starting to feel I have no choice left here. I can’t even imagine giving him ANOTHER chance, even if he did seek consistent help. There is just so much damage that comes with a depressed spouse. I can tell myself all day long “it’s just the depression” but eventually it wears you down.

Selfishly I know it will be “easier” to separate. It is heartbreaking to see the person you love struggle. Sometimes I just don’t even want to see it anymore. I imagine you feel that way when you see your ex in that crappy apartment. You want so badly for them to be the people you know they are and stop letting this sickness overrun their lives. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. [/quote]

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