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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Long story short, my husband travels for work often, so by default, I’m the go-to parent for the ILs to coordinate dinners, visiting the grandchildren, or whatever else the family is doing. That means when I say no, I feel like I’m the bad guy. Let me explain: When they call me to coordinate and I know DH will be home, I defer them to him. If he says no to them, they assume it’s me telling him to say no. Then they think I am “keeping” him from them.

Like this weekend, which is what is prompting me to ask this question: My husband will be home. My ILs left a voicemail saying they want to come for dinner. I told them DH would give them a call, since he will be home. I told him about the voicemail, and to call them to set it up. He says he doesn’t want to see anyone this weekend, he just wants to relax and not have plans. So I tell him to tell them that. He does, and they are mad because they “haven’t seen us in weeks.” (Which isn’t true, we saw them two weeks ago.)

I’m tired of being the scapegoat. It’s not possible for me to have DH the default, because his schedule keeps him away for days/weeks at a time. It would be foolish for them to call him, only to be told to call me. But we now have this weird dynamic where they think I control our calendar, and my DH. What should I do?

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If your husband is the one relaying the message to them and they still think you're in charge of the situation, then that's on them.  Perhaps you've controlled other things in the past and that's why they think that?  Not accusing you, just guessing.  But you can't control what other people think.[/quote]

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