Reply to I lost my daughter to her controlling BF and now I am losing my house

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So you spent 20 years living off your daughter's trust fund and now she's calling in her cards. I don't see the issue here.[/quote]

Not Op but it sounds like it was a settlement and out of that settlement they put some of the money into a trust fund. Much of the trsuma and emotional and physical burden of a 2 year old with a TBI is going to be on the parents. It sounds like they invested some of the settlement in a house and the rest is in a fund for her. I don't see anything wrong with OP and husband using some of the money for the family who were part of and involved in the injury[/quote]

+ 1000 stop piling on OP for the management of the trust, it seems perfectly fair and usual to me that they would buy a house in which her daughter lived and OP said they were fine with leaving. It is the way it is done that upsets her, and that is perfectly understandable. It must be traumatic to see the daughter you love Siding with strangers and selling the house without even a word of explanation or warning.

I feel for you OP. It is really sad to see your daughter making such bad choices.. my piece of advice  is to try to go for a very long term strategy:
- first, always assure your daughter that no matter what your door will always be open, in a week, in 10 years you will always be there
- second, stop criticizing her boyfriend and her family. Try to distance yourself from her life. Don't be needy. Be positive, interested in her life but keep your emotional distances. You don't want to talk about them. Focus on keeping a link with her and on the positive things you have in common 
- third, protect yourself. Focus on your own life. Make sure you take care of your relationship with your husband, with your friends. Make your own life your priority. Work on being a happy person.

Why those three steps ? I am basically advising you to do a one eighty with your daughter, look it up, read about that strategy. It works in other relationships, not only with a lover. Your daughter is taking you for granted, she sees you as an annoying controlling adult. She needs to want to be with you. For that you need to focus on yourself, be a happy grounded person, keep your emotional disctance from the negative crap she brings in your life. [/quote]

Thanks, yes its a bit traumatic, we have mixed feelings about moving from the home but I am trying to be positive for my other kids, I have been holding on loosely as Dr Joe Carver says in his article on what to do when a loved one is stuck in a trauma bond with a loser, I try to message her about every few weeks to remind her we love her and are here for her, because I feel like if I don't then he is saying to her" see they don't care about you they don't even message to ask if your okay". I think your one eighty strategy is great if she were taking us for granted but I don't think she is, I do think the boyfriend is the control freak here but I could be wrong and maybe she is taking me for granted calling me when she wants money and other then that just does not want anything to do with us, I am honestly just confused.[/quote]

Buy the home.  What did you expect?[/quote]

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