Reply to Dealing with Aging Parents is Payback for Adolescence

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you.It helps to know I am not alone and it is sweet of people to defend me.

One issue is they adamantly refuse hired help for a long list of reasons. They can more than afford it and we can pay, but they will not allow it. I have thought of contacting the neurologist to see if she can help convince them to allow it.

Also yes the personality changes with dementia are hard to accept. It was especially helpful when the poster shared her story of what the PT observed. My mother is only at the very early stages, but my father is farther along. My mother is stressed and will be in credibly combative and nasty over minor things. It is helpful to think of what you were told. In my mother's case it's more the stress than the disease.If anyone else spoke to me that way I'd get away or get them into counseling with me (like if my husband were like that). I am going to set more boundaries, but I do get it comes from a place of fear and I am a safe person. It also doesn't sting like it used to. It just is draining walking on eggshells.[/quote]

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. I had three grandparents live into their 90's, and it was extremely difficult.

Re: hired help- My widowed grandmother intermittently refused to hire help, or would hire help and then demean them until they quit. She was born in the deep south in 1907 and was quite racist-- the black women we hired weren't allowed to use her telephone or help with any medical tasks, plus she was mean as hell to them, and the white women we hired were demeaned because apparently only black women should be hired help.  :roll:  Needless to say, she was extremely difficult to deal with, and after a health crisis, she ended up in a nursing home, and, sadly, eventually in the Alzheimers unit. My other grandparents hired help and were very difficult to deal with, given dementia and incontinence, etc, but at least my mom didn't have to do everything for them, plus they were generally kinder than my other grandmother. And they ended up dying in their home, surrounded by family, because they were willing to accept help.

Good luck- these situations are incredibly difficult![/quote]

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