Reply to Difficult situation - am I doing the right thing?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Parents have taken in my mid-40s brother.  He has been an addict for 30 years and continues to lie and steal (including from them - money, meds, etc.).  He is unable to keep even a menial job and is no longer looking.  His personality is very charming, glib, and touchy-feely - exactly what I would teach my elementary-school age children to avoid.

Is it cruel of me to avoid him at the holidays?  Parents are devastated.  I do not want to watch him snuggling on the couch with my kids.  They will not ask him to leave the house for a few hours so we can visit.

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I don't see anything cruel about avoiding him. I have a brother that is verbally abusive to me and others, including my parents and his own girlfriend. He got violent a few years ago with me and my dad, and I went 3 years refusing to speak to him, see him, or allow him around my young child.

Last year we all spent brief time together during the holidays, and that is how I now keep it. Because he CHOOSES to be abusive, I limit my interaction with him to group settings and holidays. I do not allow him any time alone with my child. I told my child that we love his uncle from a distance because the uncle has not been nice to mommy, and that we have to protect ourselves from people who hurt us. That we can't allow ourselves to be hurt by people, even family.[/quote]

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