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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here: OMG.... Yes! They are loud, eat snacks and leave shit all over, wet towels on the floor, grabbing snacks (I try to not buy much btw), always want to be on some form of electronics and are basically unhelpful. I want them to help with the dog a bit more, not complain about the trash and just do it.... I know saying things over and over takes away my power. I agree with everyone about the natural consequences of grades etc. It's tough though-- they are smart-- fortunately are getting good grades now and they are both very social. The thing is that I try to be calm and nice and then the switch flips upon not being heard. The bottom line is: I don't want them to feel that their mom raged or made the house chaotic. I will check out that book... but the interesting thing is that one kid has ADHD hyper and then other ADD inattentive.... [b]They are both at good public schools and are doing well, but maybe they just hold it together all day and then just lose it when they come home..[/b].[/quote]

No, that’s not the problem. The problem is that they are assholes, much like other teens.
If they leave crap out and don’t take out the trash [b]I would wordlessly unplug and his the wi-fi router and go out for a couple hours so you don’t hear the whining[/b]. Think of some other good ones for them too please. [/quote]

LOL.  I love this.  And I think you're on to something.

OP, I totally get where you're coming from!  I was going to recommend a low dose of Lexapro, but it sounds like you're doing that, which is great.  It definitely helps take the edge off for me.

Getting back to electronics, I personally think that's the place to start.  When your sons do what they know they're supposed to around the house, they can have access to their devices.  When they do not carry their weight around the house, they lose their access.  Devices get plugged in to the charger in the kitchen.  TV goes off.  Computer goes off.   Period.

Electronics are not an entitlement.  They're a privilege for those who do their part for the family.

Sit down with your sons and put together a list of their responsibilities.  Cleaning up after themselves.  In common spaces and in their rooms.  Putting laundry in the laundry bin.  Eating snacks in the kitchen only.  Responding verbally to your requests the first time -- so you don't have to repeat yourself.  And whatever else you/they come up with.  Have them sign it.  You and DH, too.

If they keep their word, they keep their electronics privileges.

If they don't keep their word, they lose their electronics privileges.

And if they whine, complain, nag, or throw a fit about electronics, the loss gets larger -- they lose them for another hour/day/whatever.

The first few times will be miserable, but they need to see you're serious.  Rather than use your voice (yelling/raging), you will take action.  Every time until they step up.

In the meantime, I highly recommend Brene Brown's books and talks about shame.  She's a wonderfully compassionate writer -- good stuff:

https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdtabNt4S7E[/quote]

Momma has got to be in charge, I’m telling you. But the less you say the better.  Tell  them one time  that if xyz is not done by x time that the WiFi goes away. You can even give them 24 hours notice, but just tell them once (you could text them). 
But yeah, yank the plug and run. If they know how to plug it back in bring the router with you. 
Go have some me time somewhere and enjoy yourself.[/quote]

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