Reply to Our home is a mess. I am thinking of leaving

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[quote=Anonymous]It's not fair that your husband isn't a true partner in the way you need and want, but since he's not, you need to figure out a way to change the situation.

You can do lots of things...hire an after school nanny who is TOUGH and will make the kids do homework, eliminate screen time, make dinner etc and not cave when they wine and complain. DH needs to be 100% on board for this to work. You need someone who's a mom not a friend or employee. Those people are you there and you need to interview for it.

Another option is to take everything out of the kids rooms but the bed, clothes and whatever they need for doing homework. They EARN THEM BACK one by one as their grades go up, hygiene improves, actual real food gets eaten (demerits every time they go out to eat.)

You make lists for every person: DH, Kid 1, Kid 2, Kid 3, Mom etc. Everyone has a list of stuff they MUST do every day...eating properly, showering, brushing/flossing, homework, Tasks 1-5 around the house etc. Then there's another separate weekly chart of stuff that gets done less often, like laundry, vacuuming, trash/recycling, scrubbing the toilet and tub etc.

No one gets any spending money, electronics back, screen time, etc until the lists are completed every day. Have one day a week where you all eat out together, as a family. No one goes to bed until the list is done. If you have to donate the TV to goodwill, then do it. IF you have to disconnect cable/wifi then do it. You can always add it back later. DH needs to be put on a strict allowance and I agree with PP who said you need to cut off his credit card/debit card access. Get a prepaid card with grocery money loaded on it or whatever. You need to reign him in if he doesn't have the willpower to do it himself.

If you want to divorce, then do it for your sanity, but put forth maximum effort first, and I'd start by going nuclear with the the TV, electronics and all spending that's not necessary for life. (No manicures until the grades are at least a 3.5 for instance.) I'd buy 1-2 Xmas presents only and they'd be functional stuff like clothes and books. No toys or electronics. You have the power to fix this, even if it means you quit your job and get something with better hours.[/quote]

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