Reply to Is the line between "courtship" and harassment really that blurry?

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Reply to "Is the line between "courtship" and harassment really that blurry?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You shouldn’t be commenting on your female coworkers haircut either, actually. That’s the whole point. [/quote]
[b]Really? You never compliment another person who you work with[/b]? [/quote]
NP here, and female.  I have been thinking about this lately because obviously this stuff is all over the news and coming up everywhere.  But I can honestly say that I have never felt constrained by not telling a coworker "you look nice/attractive/fit" or whatever.  I compliment my coworkers all the time on their work performance, thank them for how they handle things in my absence, etc.  I have commented to male coworkers "I see you got new glasses" and left it at that.  This has not made me feel like I am not developing rapport with them, and I think it's odd that some men seem to feel like they have to comment on appearance.[/quote]
I can't imagine telling a co-worker "you look fit" - that seems too body-related.  I absolutely will comment to a male co-worker if I think he's lost weight; but I'd never comment at all on weight to a female co-worker.  If a female (or male) co-worker shows up with a new haircut ...

[img]https://i.ytimg.com/vi/-9KFnz9qn7A/hqdefault.jpg[/img]

... then I'm absolutely going to compliment the new look (even if it's a bad haircut).

I don't see a problem with any of that.  Do you?[/quote]

DP, but why only women?  Do you compliment men's haircuts?  People (and I use the term advisedly, women do this too) really don't realize how often they default to talking about appearance with women.  It's culturally ingrained.  Clothes, "have you lost weight?!", hair, even just "you look nice today"; it's constant.  Men don't get these comments so they think of it as a rare but appreciated compliment.  Women get it all the time and the cumulative effect is that it's just a way that society defaults us to not serious or decorative, while men are considered substantive and vital.[/quote]

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