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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"I apologize for what I did wrong" is what you say when you don't feel you have done anything wrong. In your mind you aren't apologizing for anything because you didn't do anything wrong, but you hope it appeases the person who thinks you did.[/quote]

This.  I might be inclined to spell it out for him:

"Brother, to be clear, what you did wrong was (i) failing to show up to a weekend you insisted we book, and then failing to pay for your share of the expenses, and (ii) disinviting [b]my DW and kids[/b] from a holiday weekend after we had purchased airfare.  I'll know you recognize that what you did was wrong, and sincerely feel bad about it, when I receive a check for ______________."

this is, of course, taking OP's account at face value.  I agree that there is likely to be quite a bit missing.  [/quote]

Fixed that for ya. OP's DH was still invited.  She and the kids were no longer welcome.[/quote]

I didn't see that in the op.   Op, can you clarify what happened that Thanksgiving?  I'm admittedly morbidly curious about it.  You were invited and then disinvited?  [/quote]

This is what was in the OP:
[i]
...then 6-months later, BIL calls DH and says that our kids and I are not invited to the first family Thanksgiving that they ever hosted because there isn't enough room [b]after we bought plane tickets[/b]. Even if it was BIL's wife (no love lost), it was tacky. ...[/i][/quote]

DP.  I think that OP needs to accept the fact that BIL is only apologizing because he wants something.  Regardless of how you cut the cheese above, OP and her husband should formally say "we accept your apology" and forget about it all.  Because if they don't then they leave themselves open to scrutiny.

Going forward, then, OP/husband should not initiate contact with BIL, should respond politely to any contact "Oh, flying to Hawaii and sharing a group house to celebrate Nona and Poppa's anniversary doesn't work for us.  So I'm sorry but I cannot give you our AmEx number.  But you should go and have fun!", and then do what works for OP, husband and family.[/quote]

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