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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find it odd that they would be coming after you instead of their son. Is your MIL a SAHM? You need to tell your ILs to go through their son instead of you cos you're not his keeper.[/quote]

OP here. No one is a SAHM. I think they're texting me when they never get responses from DH (who is usually out of the country and unresponsive). I realize this is not solely an inlaw problem. It's more like an inlaw/DH lack of communication that hurts the kids and I. [/quote]

Okay, here's the thing.  Under normal circumstances, it is up to each partner to keep their family informed of what's going on.  However, when one is out of the country regularly (like military), then it is up to the parent at home to keep up communication with both sides of the family.  This doesn't mean that you have to add more burden to yourself.  In fact, if you do it right, it will help relieve the burden and stress on you by getting some help from the semi-local family.

First, you call them or visit them and have a heart-to-heart with them.  Explain that you really want them involved and need them involved in helping when your husband is deployed or out of the country.  How much or how little they can help is dependent on what they are willing and able to do, but any help is appreciated.  The first thing they can do is call you regularly so that you don't have the responsibility to call them.  Tell them that you are happy to keep them informed of what's going on with you and the kids, but need them to step up and call you so that you don't have to remember to call them.  Give them a good time to call when they can talk to you and the kids, like Saturday afternoon or Sunday dinnertime.  Then it's their responsibility to call and you don't have the stress of them nagging you that you aren't calling enough.  Let them know that if they are willing to do more, that it would be appreciated and they can let you know how much time or resources they have to help and you can find them jobs or responsibilities that will help.  Since they are semi-local, if you have  young kids, they can come and help with homework or they can come for dinner one night and watch/play with the kids while you cook.  Or maybe they can pick up groceries for you once in a while.  My MIL is 86 and isn't great with kids, but when she comes to visit, she takes over running errands and picking up groceries since she still drives.  My mother doesn't like driving in unfamiliar places, so when she comes to visit I do the shopping and she cooks for us and does the dishes during her visits.

Although it feels like a burden, you need to reach out to your in-laws and explain to them your reality and how they can help.  It sounds like it adds more, but after the first call, it should help and relieve some of the stress, even if it is only to get them to stop nagging you that you don't call them often enough.[/quote]

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