Reply to Allowing adult son to move back in? What is fair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here...

I'm surprised so many people are so surprised with rent. For 18 years we allowed him to live here rent free with the understanding that after he would be expected to live independently. Having him live with us would cost us more (more basic supplies, etc) so I think it is fair to pass these costs down to him.

I feel as though $500 is very fair, well below market rate for our neighborhood.

As for the curfew, it's not only just for respect, but also because I don't want him falling back on the service industry. Most restaurants have late hours and expect their employees to stay until 11-12 o'clock.

[/quote]

No curfew.  He is an adult, and adults do not have curfews.  He should be considerate with respect to making noise if he comes home late, as well as with respect to household chores, but if you do not treat him as an adult, you will almost certainly regret it.  He will resent it, and it will not help him achieve independence.

I think a minimal amount of rent is fine (and I would save most of it, to return it to him for a deposit on an apartment/moving costs).  I would not try to micromanage what kind of job he gets.  If he can't find a job in his field, he will need to do something, and it might well be that the service industry is that something.  So what if he has to work late?  [/quote]

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