Reply to Parental Involvement in College Decision Process

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm still a ways out from this process with my own kids, but I do have thoughts based on my own experience with my parents during the college search process. They put pretty tight reigns on my list of colleges, some of which I respected and some of which I resented. For instance, I completely understood when they said I needed to choose schools within a certain radius of home, because money was incredibly tight and they couldn't afford a lot of travel expenses (we were in southern CT, so fortunately this left a lot of options). By contrast, did resent it when they told me I couldn't go to a school in a city or to a large university, because the idea of these environments made them feel anxious. It didn't matter how I felt about them, they just couldn't see themselves feeling comfortable at those schools so they were off the list for me.

As for the process itself, my mom was a taskmaster who put together a rigorous schedule that had all of my applications completed before I even submitted my EA application. At the time I resented it because it interfered with my social life at times and a lot of the work was rendered moot when I got into my EA school and didn't submit any other applications, but once we were through it I appreciated what she'd done because I saw my friends go through the stress of trying to churn out applications at the last moment and I was relieved I wasn't going through that as well. She also spent a lot of time with me debating which school to apply to ED/EA, and it was very clear during those discussions where she wanted me to apply, but ultimately left the decision up to me. I did end up applying to the school she wanted because she'd made her case well, but had she told me I had to apply EA there it might have become something I resented rather than embraced.

So they didn't get it all right (I wouldn't restrict schools based on my own preferences the way they did), but overall I think they did well by me.[/quote]

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