Reply to I don't think my husband likes me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm just really sad, as my husband and I have yet another fight over "nothing."  It occurs to me that he harbors so much anger and resentment or whatever toward me, that he'll just unload with only the slightest of openings.  This one involved me being two days late on the daycare payment.  I screwed up and admitted that.  We recently switched her, our routines are totally off, and we're waiting for the automatic payment to kick in.  Next thing you know I'm being berated for forgetting, and he does every other bill, why can't I get this one straight?  I said, fine, if you don't want to do the bills, I don't mind doing them.  I did it when we lived in another city before we merged accounts, I have no problems doing that.  He went nuts.  He's been fighting with me ever since, showing me "proof" that I never paid the bills, that he's always done it, and called me a liar and accused me of falsely taking credit for something I never did. (I actually still have the file of bills that I marked "paid" and the date, but it seems utterly ridiculous to shove that at him. To me, this is a nonissue).  
I've asked for a while now to go to counseling and he flat out refuses, and I'm left thinking that my husband doesn't really like me.  That isn't a normal response to someone offering to take over the bills, and rather than being pissed right now, I'm totally sad as it really is hitting me that he doesn't much like me.  Besides counseling, are there any strategies I can do?  Any way I can change without becoming a total doormat??
[/quote]

If you have any roommate for a long time, your habits will grate on each other. Over time, you hold your tongue and it builds. Eventually, it explodes over insignificant things. One partner doesn't understand, resentment builds and things spiral. It's a natural occurrence. You both likely need to find an outlet for your frustrations and find a better way to address these issues with one another. It's very easy to say but hard to do. Take a step back. Set a scene for a calm, adult conversation. Agree that anyone that raises their voice has to throw in $10 per hostile word that the other gets to spend no questions asked --- or anything similar to give you incentive to stay calm. Realize that each of you have habits that bother the other and that you need to work toward accepting them instead of resenting them. So you were wrong to be late with the day care bill. What was the actual consequence? Is that worth all the effort and energy expended. Instead you could have put that energy to work on something positive: a home project, sex, whatever.

It's about perspective and changing it. [/quote]

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