Reply to When did you get over your spouse's affair? Or did you?

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[quote=Anonymous]Wow some incredibly strong language has been posted describing sexual infidelity as: "abusive"... "traumatic" ... "sexual coercion" ... "nuclear bomb" ... even "domestic violence"

I will not try to argue against these statements. Clearly, for you, cheating is the ultimate betrayal within a marriage. Perhaps you are 100% correct, that's not my point.

Nor will I try to blame you (the "victim") for being cheated upon: nobody ever "deserves" to be cheated on.

Having said that, if you are one who believes the marital sex relationship is sooooo sacred that even a 1-time transgression is completely unforgivable, I would like to ask you something. [b]To what extent do you actually prioritize sex with your spouse?  Are you an enthusiastic partner? How often do you initiate? How often do you reject your spouse (either explicitly or preemptively)? Has your frequency gone down over time due to your disinterest?[/b]

Again, nothing would excuse a cheater's bad behavior. Yet (even if your marriage has been faithful) I find it [u]completely hypocritical[/u] for somebody to portray sexual infidelity as an unforgivable sin, meanwhile they are not actively pursuing their own spouse for sex on a regular basis. You cannot have it both ways! If sex is so almighty important, [b]then you make it a priority in your marriage[/b]. If not, you certainly don't deserve to be cheated on, but you are a bad partner who is "sexually betraying" your spouse by ignoring this "all important" thing. In such cases, you should either open the marriage, or divorce. But don't be a hypocritical bad partner. Do not wait around to declare yourself the innocent victim of a cheating spouse. Step up now, and decide: either sex is all-important, or it is not.
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