Reply to When did you get over your spouse's affair? Or did you?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "When did you get over your spouse's affair? Or did you?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Man I am so sorry that there are so many bitter angry people in the world that have failed marriages that they would advise you to divorce your husband, forget your committment and vow, not worry about your family structure and move on with your life.  Are these experts going to be in the house with you when you have to shuffle custody schedules or do all the running around on a daily basis because your husband is not there to do this with you.  Are they going to help you financially?  Are they going to dry your eyes for you when you are crying over the lost of your best friend, husband, lover, father of your children, etc.?  Please don't listen to strangers (that includes me).  There is nothing wrong with staying married even when your spouse has had an affair.  Every marriage has problems and every spouse in the marriage is responsible for their behavior in the marriage (i did not say you were responsible for his behavior).  The point is you have a choice to think about the past or think about your future.  It is not wrong to trust your husband again.  It is not wrong to believe he can change.  This process is really not about him anymore, its about you.  Can you weather the storm right now?  All these people who are telling you they are divorced and its better this way, ask them if they could have ever believed that when they said "i do" on their wedding day that they would be divorced X number of years later?  They would have said no it won't happen to them.  Well it did happen to them and it happened to me and it happened to you.  The same way they didn't think there would be infidelity or divorce and they were wrong, can't they also be wrong about not loving and trusting the person who hurt them?  You can survive this and you can have a better marriage for it.  While some people will go on to marriage #2, and #3 and more, you are staying in your marriage because you made a committment.  You wonder why the divorce rate is higher with each subsequent marriage?  Because people don't take accounability and responsibility for their own failures in the relationship.  They say oh he cheated, its all his fault, and they move on.  Well I say, to the one who can stick it out, that you will be better, and stronger for it in the end. Your kids will be happier for it, your relationship will be stronger for it and the growth and development you may achieve out of it will make it all the more worthwhile.  Couples' therapy is great but you may need to go to counseling alone also to work on techniques that will help you deal with those thoughts.  To answer your question since you really didn't ask us if you should get a divorce: I don't think you ever get over an affair. It becomes a part of your story.  Its the story that you will share with your grandchildren before they get married to say look this is what we went through but we made it.  I agree with the person who said you have to let that old marriage die and look to creating something beautiful and new with your husband.  You can walk around on pins and needles wondering if he is being honest or truthful or you can allow yourself to be free and love him simply because he is your husband and that is your responsbility. If he is a good man, the guilt and shame has done its job and he can never erase his actions but if he is staying with you and he is going to counseling, take these as signs that he is trying and don't demand more from him because he may still be struggling with some leftover emotions himself.  Be happy because he can't make you happy.  Be strong for yourself and your kids.  Love yourself and love your husband unconditionally.  Sorry I can't narrow down a time when you may "get over this",  but I can tell you it gets better.  There are some days where you want to scream that he did this to you and your family and that's ok but then you just let it go.  In my case, I surrender it to God.   A few resources that have empirical research behind it that may be useful to you are:
a book titled: The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage  Michele Weiner Davis
a website: http://bit.ly/29YLtQ3
another website: http://bit.ly/2xPnPiU[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics