Reply to Calling all Introverts - Help me connect with my DH and DS (introverts)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am an extrovert by nature.  For example, I get energized by people and I like talking my problems out.

My DH is an introvert and we connected over the opposites attract theory.  While we have, for the most part, a normal marriage, there are some very real differences.  For example, when we get into an argument, I like to get everything out there and talk things out.  DH does not.  Initially, I thought it was because he could not articulate his feelings.  But it turns out introverts contemplate things internally before sharing them.  He does not like being put on the spot to explain his side of the argument when he has not had a chance to turn the issue over in his head (he calls it processing time).  This takes time and is something that I've learned to accept.

I see my DS growing up and notice many of the same traits.  When conflict arises, my DS withdraws and doesn't want to talk about it.  Initially, I thought it was because he was a boy and shy.  But as I learn more about the differences between extroverts and introverts, I can see him being like my DH, an introvert.

I realize that I need to get better at connecting with my DH and DS and I don't have the slightest clue on how to do that.  They aren't into touchy feely expressions of love so I wanted to poll some introverts to understand your frame of mind better to see if you have any suggestions for me.

If you are an introvert, I have some questions:

1) When did you realize that you were an introvert?  How does being an introvert affect your relationships?
2) For those introverts that are married to extroverts, how have you found a good way to work through arguments?  Do you ask for time to process before engaging in conversation?  Do your spouses tire you out with conversation?
3) If you were a son or daughter of extroverted parents, what is the best way your parents connected with you?  When did you feel understood the most?  When did you feel loved the most?

Thank you in advance for any suggestions.  I am just now understanding that there are very large differences between extroverts and introverts and I'm trying to learn how to bridge those gaps and build a better relationship with my DH and DS.[/quote]

I didn’t realize I was an introvert until college intro to psych. My parents are both narcissistic and are extroverts. I thought I was the problem until I was 20. I dislike drama and conflict. I felt most loved when we talked about things like movies, tv, books, music, or food because they usually didn’t result in criticizing me, but I was most happy when my parents just ignored me.

My second DH is an extrovert. We don’t argue. Like ever. We do have the occasional difference of opinion, but no anger is attached. Nor do either of us seem to need to win. When we disagree over household matters, one of us is pretty likely to offer to let the other person handle things how they prefer. I can’t think of anything either of us has done that would make the other need time to process emotions. Sometimes, I need a buffer period between home and work so I run errands before dinner. This is my way of segregating work stress from the non-work areas of my life. I might vent about work if I don’t have this time. I try not to vent to DH who is the spousal equivalent of the bulldozer parenting model. If we don’t get sucked into a vent/fix cycle, then I have the emotional energy to make it through conversation until bedtime.

One child is an introvert, the other is an extrovert. I admit that I more enjoy the introvert’s company (less draining) although the extrovert is very charismatic. I can spend all day enjoyable with the introvert. An hour with the extrovert leaves my head spinning. I also feel pressure to plan activities for the extrovert rather than just be spontaneous to avoid awkward pauses. With the introvert, the pauses aren’t awkward.[/quote]

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