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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]On the one hand, some people just aren't good at being SAHPs, even if they really want to be.  On the other hand, some of the things you named are, IMO, pretty reasonable, depending on your finances: I'm a SAHM and we still have a weekly cleaner and a part-time sitter so I can run errands and have some "me" time (my kids are young, but still).  I also get lots of groceries delivered, though I still do a lot of shopping (why do we "need" things from like six stores?!?).

But, the stuff that should DEFINITELY be on her plate if she SAH is all the, well STUFF.  The mental load, as you put it.  The stuff for the kids.  I'm a big believer that being a SAHP doesn't mean you have to be a maid, but it DOES mean you TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS, and that means you manage all of their activities, school stuff, paperwork, you plan fun outings for the family, etc.  It also means that any of the stuff you pay for (weekly cleaner, sitter) should be managed entirely by her.

I think if it's what she wants it's totally reasonable to try.  You have to give her time to succeed.  I think it's really a shame that people "try" to SAH for like 6 months and then "quit".  People think it should come naturally.  Have you ever known any Mormon SAHMs?  Who went to Brigham Young?  They take classes (like, many classes) on organizing the house, childcare, etc.  Doing it well takes real work, organizational skills, time management, etc.  If she wants to do it she should read mommy blogs for tips, talk to a SAHM friend who seems like she knows what she's doing, etc.  She shouldn't just assume that she either "has it" or "doesn't".[/quote]

Not the op. I agree in theory but the op stepped up when needed and now if his wife will transition to sah and he ramps back up she still gets a breaking period while he's doing both more work and all the other stuff? At which point can he let go of some of those responsibilities and expect them to be taken care of and not fall through the cracks and the kids still getting the same amount of care. If he tells her to sign them up for summer camp and it needs to be done between January and February, and then she doesn't do it? Is it on her because she didn't do it, or on him because he didn't double check and do it himself anyway? An example obviously. The biggest benefit to a sah parent is taking care of all of those things so the working parent doesn't have to worry about the functioning of the house. Not maid stuff but the day to day paper and scheduling and planning ahead. I think op should take the time to write down all of those items that need to be attended to (not dinner and laundry but kids schedules, holidays, camp, trips, dr appointments) and clearly show what the expectations are. That he will not worry about those specific things being attended to in a timely manner. [/quote]

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