Reply to When one spouse has a "big" job

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Pp, not OP here.

Because it’s not the morning drop off that’s the problem. It’s food shopping and kids sports and entertaining and cleaning and fitness and hobbies  (have a service once a week for housecleaning but with three kids a dog and a large home it’s a lot). We vacation 6 weeks a year- no job is going to give me that off the bat. It’s also aftercare as my three are in ES and can’t be left alone like that yet. It’s also the 90+ days of travel my husband does per year.

I’m sure that many can understand that to rearrange an entire life that works well in order to earn money I don’t need while employing a housekeeper and nanny seems silly- I actually like caring for my own things and our families needs.
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Okay, but we're not talking about YOUR life that is getting rearranged. We're talking about the OP, who is a SAHM in a marriage that she believes is in its death throes, which I agree with given that her husband's response to her asking him to drop off their one baby child at daycare was to tell her that he'd give her a divorce if she'd give him sole custody. She's not talking about making her husband responsible for "food shopping and kid sports and entertaining and cleaning and fitness and hobbies" (which are things that still happen in families where both parents are present and work out of the home to say nothing of single parent families). She's talking about asking that he take a baby to daycare, occasionally cover a day when the baby is sick and needs to stay home with a parent, and potentially spend time with his child nights and weekends.

It's like you didn't even read the OP.[/quote]

I did read the post. If you believe that all that will change for the ops spouse is drop off, I disagree with you. And frankly I wouldn’t endanger my job by suddenly being less available if I thought my spouse was about to leave me. [/quote]

Well, you've certainly been assimilated to the borg.

Believe it or not, there are many families where the mother works, and the father has a "big job" ... or even gasp, they both have big jobs!  Or double gasp, the woman believe her labor (of all types) has equal inherent value to the family as the man's! [/quote]

My labor is more important to my family than my husbands. I’m not quite sure what you are ranting about.[/quote]

Great. Then you should be able to get a job then if his labor isn't as important.  The point is -- nobody has a right to dictate to another person about what they do with their labor, particularly if they are *not being paid.* We have words for that ... [/quote]

If OP wants to change course she should get a divorce, then move on to her job. It simply doesn’t make any sense to take a job for negative income when on the cusp of divorce after being a sahm as others have suggested.

I know of people who have left spouses who refused to work. Technically can we dictate what others do? Maybe not- but we can dictate whether we are married to them or not.[/quote]

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