Reply to Requests from a Sibing who is there for Elderly Parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My MIL recently died from a chronic illness that she had for 3 years, it was terminal and we all knew it.  She was single, living along, thousands of miles away.  She refused, adamantly and repeatedly, to our requests to move in with us here in DC.  I don’t know how people can force people to move without having them declared incompetent and becoming power of attorney and guardian.  She just wouldn’t budge.  Maybe because she knew she would die and this was her control, who knows.

Anyway, her only kids are my DH and SIL.  SIL lives in sunny Southern California, she doesn’t work, has no kids, is fairly young, nice husband, nice life.  She refuses to help, she won’t visit, and she won’t try to convince her mom to move in with us.  We hired help but MIL wouldn’t let them in th door. So my DH has to basically move in with her to care for her for the last 3 years, going back and forth between here and there.  He’s missed the last 3 years of everything for the kids, every game, every recital, every teacher conference, every play, every first day, every last day, every birthday, everything.

My MIL decides recently she wants her suffering over and enters a hospice facility where they gradually sedate and drug her until she passes (it’s in another country). SIL just shows up suddenly, she’s arrived to hold her mother’s hand and take over.  Because the last 3 years she couldn’t be bothered.  SIL takes all the credit for MIL’s care, her funeral, her wake, everything.  And bad mouthed DH for flying back for a few days to be in town for the first day of school in September.

So I get you OP, people can be disappointing.[/quote]

We have no intention of even telling any of my MIL's family or my BIL that she is terminal or when she passes.  If they don't care enough to help when she is alive they don't deserve any.  I wish we had that end of life option.  My MIL is suffering and young so she could live many more years.  The nursing home is horrible and part of her decline and issues are due to their neglect (we have tried to move her but no one will take the medicaid).

We forced it by telling her she was coming and at that point she knew we were not giving her an option.  My husband flew out and took her with the help of a friend who lived locally.  I then took care of her for 9 months till I couldn't do it anymore and put her in a nursing home.  She didn't want to go but I couldn't do it anymore as much as I wanted to.  We later got guardianship and wish I had done it sooner as by the time she got to us legally she was not capable of full consent to POA and even if she was the nursing home wasn't accepting any POA so our only option was guardianship.  It was a very simple process to get guardianship.[/quote]

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