Reply to Requests from a Sibing who is there for Elderly Parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What if you choose a particular way, that is hard, but it's the way that is acceptable to you, but not to me. For example, a parent is refusing to accept hired help and you do it yourself. You talk to me about it. I don't offer physical help, only financial. You keep talking about how hard it is. I understand that you need to vent. I hope you don't expect that I will actually help physically. [/quote]

What is someone supposed to do if the parent will not take hired help?  It takes more than financial help, especially if you are only doing something like a few hundred a month.  You have no idea how hard it is.  Step up and be decent and help.  Or hire someone directly to come in and manage it.[/quote]

The parent knows whose buttons he/she can press. While the parent has the power over one sibling no hiring can be done (the parent will not open the door, will not accept food delivery or cleaning service, etc). What do you suggest in such case? [/quote]

We forced it when we were long distance.  We had food delivery just show up so my MIL would be overwhelmed and have a tuff time refusing.  You can make it work.  You have to push the issue.  Or, do more to help that sibling so they can help the parent more.  For us, I have both my MIL and Father declining and I'm it.  My sister and mom dictate but I cannot be at 3 places at once caring for our kids and their activities, visit my MIL and care for my father.  My attitude is if my sibling and mom (who is with someone else now) want to dictate everything, leave me out of it and I'll deal with it when it gets bad enough (which it is probably there now).  If you want to dictate and control, then you deal with it.[/quote]

Forcing is not happening, the parent is a stubborn one and the caretaker sibling hates conflict. It's not even "dictate and control", I don't know what is it, I am not trying to understand anymore or offer an opinion, I simply pay for everything. [/quote]

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