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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]While I don't disagree with you at all, I think you are going to drive yourself crazy if you can't find a way to come to peace with this being the reality and forgiving them for making those choices and forgiving them for how those choices affect you and your children.
You are responsible for yourself, including your actions, reactions, emotions and feelings. They are responsible for theirs. Neither of you have a right or ability to change the other.
Also, you should create your boundaries. You don't have to pick up all of their pieces just because they keep dropping them. It doesn't make you a bad daughter to decide what will and won't work for you.[/quote]Best advice so far in this thread.  OP, I suggest using the serenity prayer that we say in 12-step programs.  God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  You cannot change your family.  I'm sure you've already talked to them about their lifestyle and they're not going to change.  You're just going to drive yourself crazy trying to figure out a way to convince them.  This is out of your control.  But you can decide how much you will take care of them.  This may involve making decisions that are uncomfortable but it will help to work on it in advance.

I had an alcoholic relative become disabled and I helped out financially and otherwise but I did set some limits.  I was never sure whether I did the right thing by him or not but he drank himself to death within a year or two so it was all moot.   And I started going to Al-Anon again once I realized that he was drinking (had thought he was in recovery for 10 years) and that helped me.  At any rate -- all this is to say that I feel your pain and this is probably not going to get better but you can manage it in a way that makes you less crazed.  Good luck![/quote]

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