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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, put a sock in it. I have seen many of my friends wreak good years with their parents because the young people are critical. What a waste. It is more of a waste than the prospect of family living a shorter life.[/quote]

OP here. I should also clarify that this more than prospective health I'm talking about. This is ACTUAL health. One grandparent is completely incapacitated and unable to work due to preventable illness. We are expected as a young family to always travel to families ur parents to visit because they are too sick to get on a plane. It's one thing if they are sick and can't help it. But they are wasting good years defying their doctors instructions and expect us to pick up the financial slack. While the financial piece is a strain and annoying, it's even worse to have to sit back silently watching them suffer over daily cake, soda, and fried chicken. [/quote]

Man you sound awful. Perhaps your parents are trying to find solace in life since they have such a terrible child.[/quote]

Oh please. Would you feel the same if they were drinking themselves to death rather than eating themselves to death? That OP should stop being critical and just suck it up and deal with their self-inflicted problems, to the detriment of her own family?[/quote]

The drinking yourself to death analogy is a good one.  There's a lot OP could learn from Al-Anon. The first principle of Al-Anon is that you cannot control the behavior of other people.  You can't make someone stop drinking. You can't make someone eat right and exercise.  OP's parents are adults. They get to make their own choices.  OP cannot fix them, even if OP wants to fix them.  Once you have accepted that, OP needs to accept that her family members are making choices that will kill them.  (You don't have to agree with it, but you have to stop fighting with them about it.)

OP needs to state her opinion clearly and firmly and with compassion.  Then she needs to set some boundaries around what she is willing to do to help her family members and what she is not willing to do. She needs to express those boundaries clearly.  They will be pissed off.  (Addicts are always pissed off when you set boundaries around their behaviors and the consequences of their behaviors.)  OP needs to stick to her boundaries even if they are pissed off.  OP needs to stick to her boundaries even shit goes downhill. (Shit always goes downhill with addicts.)  OP needs to plan her life with the idea that her family members will not participate as active grandparents.

Let it go, OP. [/quote]

OP here. Are you a therapist? This was the best talk anyone's ever given me. I feel like I owe you $200 for this. THANK YOU for being so direct and precise. This is exactly what I need to do.[/quote]

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