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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I experienced this with a coworker.  After a few weeks of love-bombing and soul-mating me, she went cold under the guise of "doing the right thing" (she'd been caught in an affair previously - go figure).  But then she'd rekindle everything because it was "futile" to fight the natural attraction.  Wash, rinse, repeat.  After a year of riding this emotional roller coaster, I became obsessed, all while trying to maintain a normal affectionate front at home.  A little research revealed this is the precise pattern used by Narcissists to ensnare and then control their victims.  (The hot/cold pattern is addictive because the hot feels so good after the cold.)  I've since gone "No Contact" and it feels liberating.  She still consumes many of my thoughts (she's stunningly attractive), but they're more diagnostic than romantic pining.   I've always been a hopeless romantic and tend to idealize (easier when the object is not obtainable).  If OP is limerencing, it might be worth digging a little deeper into the cause how realistic her impressions are.       [/quote]

Wow! I am literally experiencing the same thing with a former coworker but it's been 2 years and I'm female. Same "pattern" and I am extremely attracted to him. It's hard for me to get over that initial feeling from the beginning of our relationship. I always go back to that in my head. Trying the "no contact, but it's only been a few days. This post opened my eyes a lot. Thank you[/quote]

PP here...Yes, that initial "connection" with a Narcissist is called the Idealization phase and it sets the hook deep inside you.  As a normal, empathetic person, you keep thinking it can be sustained or reacquired if you work hard enough to recreate the circumstances.  They love watching you work!  Google is your friend here, but start with the web site called Esteemology.  Great, informative blogs on these abusive/dysfunctional relationships and recovering from same.  I've been No Contact for 4 weeks.  After she suddenly flopped on me again, I sent her an email requesting that she avoid all future contact (so far, so good).  That was a difficult email to send because of my addiction, but I felt like I had to burn that bridge to regain the sanity I lost over the last year, move forward, and focus on my home life.  Yes, I'm losing a close "friend" that I loved spending time with, but also a tormentor.  In response to previous questions, I admit I have some codependent tendencies and love the role of "rescuer" in relationships.  One of the blogs stated:  Success + Codependent + Narcissist = Disaster.   We have this exact dynamic going on.   And yes, I'm conscious of DW's 6th sense about the wellbeing of my psyche.  Out of fear and guilt, I never mention beautiful CW's name, which is telling in itself.  All the more reason for No Contact, lest innocent people get hurt.  It's a beautiful looking piece of cake, but it's got sawdust for flour and dog poop for icing.  Don't eat it!

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