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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I've been in a situation similar to yours, right down to being the only female and most of the men being single or away from their wives.

Yes, crap like this happens. It is all too common, unfortunately. You are not alone in going through this. But that does not by ANY means mean that it is acceptable, or in any way your fault. I can hear in your post that you feel like you share some blame for enabling his behavior, but stop and think about that for a minute. Do we tell rape victims that they deserved it because they flirted with the guy? Maybe 50 years ago, but now we know better. I know your case isn't that extreme, but I still hate to hear that tone of self-doubt.  You are stronger than that.

I'm not sure how much advice I can give, because ultimately my solution was to leave. I hated "giving in" to them, I felt like I was failing by quitting ... but ultimately the situation just wasn't tenable, and I finally concluded that I could not control other people's actions, only my own. I would not be able to change the culture on my own, there were too many people who accepted it, so I had to remove myself.

In your case, all PPs seem right on about documenting. Whether to go to HR or not ... hard to say without knowing the culture better. Do you have HR on site? Does HR know you, do they know the men involved?

My only other recommendation: is there another male colleague that you trust, and could confide in? Someone to help watch your back, and maybe even be willing to testify later if needed that you told him about this behavior on XX date?  In my situation, I had a brief period where I was close to a small group of guys that treated me like a little sister.  If anyone tried to mess with me, they didn't start trouble, but they did surround me as a show of moral support. I found the worst offenders like to do their thing on the sly (like coming in to your office when nobody else is around), so just having a constantly present group helped ward off most problems.  It was actually soon after most of the group dispersed to other sites that things got worse again and I left.

Best of luck to you, OP.  I hope you find a way through this with your sanity intact. [/quote]

Thanks so much for this. I really appreciate it. I did tell a close colleague of mine yesterday and he was very, very receptive to listening to me. He told me I didn't do anything wrong (as you mentioned in your post I have definitely blamed myself for allowing him to do it for years). He told me he would talk to the guy or even escalate it and talk to HR. I asked not to do either thing, it felt good enough just to talk to someone about it and get it off my chest. I had tears in my eyes (which I hate but I couldn't help it) and it felt pretty cathartic just to talk about it out loud. I have been raped and molested (as a kid) and like so many other women, suckily, I've just accepted that even though it shouldn't be like this, there are men who don't respect women or our bodies and don't treat us as equals.

I'm going to see this guy tomorrow and over the weekend at work (he goes from site to site but he's with us on the weekends) and I'm feeling nervous, but at least since I told my colleague I know I have someone on my side. My guess is that the guy who touches me will just leave me alone but if he doesn't I have someone looking out for me.

I'm still thinking of leaving at the end of this contract year. I don't know where else I could go, but if I could find something with equivalent pay where it wasn't such a hostile environment (honestly what eats at me most are the lyrics to the music that is always on - why does every song have to include at least one reference to a guy getting oral sex or how many women he has "fucked" that day?). [/quote]

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