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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Having been in tense family relationships where I'm the one living overseas, I understand your position, OP.

First, you need to call and hear their voices to really get a feel for the situation. Call your mother. She's doing you a favor by telling you to go to a hotel.

If you want to hear the scoop from the others, call the others too. Don't rely on one source of info in that kind of situation!

You will get nothing from texts and emails.

[/quote]

Thanks for your reply. Do you feel better being overseas (or did you if you aren't any longer)? I feel in a sense more "free" of the family drama when I'm literally on another continent. My family isn't the type to phone. My mom has taken to texting like it's her preferred method of communication if it's face to face. That's the only way to talk these days unless I'm in town. [/quote]

I came here to the US to get away from my mother. The Atlantic didn't seem to much of a separation from her particular brand of control-freakiness. And then I found many other reasons to stay, so here I still am, with husband and house and kids :-)

I have a wonderful relationship with my parents on the phone. I like to hear their voices as they like to hear mine. I can hide all manner of things from her on the phone, but still connect with her. She wouldn't know how to text anyway! 
But as soon as we get together, I can only survive for 2 weeks max. She's so desperately in people's business, anxious, stressed out and self-centered that she's driven away everybody except my father, goodness knows how he takes it.

I understand from all you've said that she might be a very difficult grandparent indeed, even more so if the mother is not quite there herself and has difficulty with impulse and emotion. Not a good match.
And please don't project your foster experience onto these kids. They're not living the same thing - it might be difficult, but not in quite that way. [/quote]

I'm not projecting. I work with kids for a living. It's not healthy for any child to be put in a situation where a parent is making them anxious about another adult who is coming to visit. The kid wanted to run away and was saying he was scared. If you issues with an in-law, it's really inappropriate to make your kids "afraid" of that person. By the way, they are living under my mom's roof now. My mom is taking care of them. [/quote]

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