Reply to Please tell me how to deal with creepy resurfaced acquaintance

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's frustrating when others don't pick up on our cues. But  your method of dealing with her; blocking, giving out your number and then regretting it later, suggest you have your own boundary work to do. It's uncomfortable to push back when you feel someone is in your space but this will happen your whole life. Learn to be polite but firm regarding your time, resources, whatever. "Nice to hear from you, Larla. I have lots going on right now and can't get together. Hope all is well!". Repeat as needed.[/quote]

The issue is this one--you gave her intermittent reinforcement, which is worse than positive reinforcement!  (go look it up)

Also go look up anything by Gavin de Becker, who specializes in stalking.  I worked with him once, and I remember he said, "don't give a mixed message. So don't talk to someone about why you are not talking to them.  Just stop talking to them."

Now, also go look up "extinction burst" because this woman will try and contact you MORE for a while before she quits, and you have to be ready for that.

Just want to say, though, I know you were trying to smooth it over and be nice; you did nothing unusual.  But you need to fix it now before it gets weirder.[/quote]

But WHY is this woman stalking, Op?  Why would this old friend's little sister be so obsessed with being "friends" with Op?  Why couldn't Op tell the difference between this woman and her old childhood friend?  So much makes little sense.[/quote]

Op here. I have absolutely no idea why the woman is so relentless. Seriously no clue. FWIW, she's an older sister - not a younger one.

As for me not being able to tell the difference between the two, it had been 25-30 years since I'd seen either of them when we were kids. And they're sisters, only a couple years apart. I don't think it's a huge mistake to make - I get mistaken for my sister all the time, by people who haven't seen us in may be <5 years.

Other than the initial contact a few months ago at a volunteer event, I have ignored her completely. When I got home later that evening, I realized what a mistake I made. [/quote]

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