Reply to Please tell me how to deal with creepy resurfaced acquaintance

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's frustrating when others don't pick up on our cues. But  your method of dealing with her; blocking, giving out your number and then regretting it later, suggest you have your own boundary work to do. It's uncomfortable to push back when you feel someone is in your space but this will happen your whole life. Learn to be polite but firm regarding your time, resources, whatever. "Nice to hear from you, Larla. I have lots going on right now and can't get together. Hope all is well!". Repeat as needed.[/quote]

The issue is this one--you gave her intermittent reinforcement, which is worse than positive reinforcement!  (go look it up)

Also go look up anything by Gavin de Becker, who specializes in stalking.  I worked with him once, and I remember he said, "don't give a mixed message. So don't talk to someone about why you are not talking to them.  Just stop talking to them."

Now, also go look up "extinction burst" because this woman will try and contact you MORE for a while before she quits, and you have to be ready for that.

Just want to say, though, I know you were trying to smooth it over and be nice; you did nothing unusual.  But you need to fix it now before it gets weirder.[/quote]

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