Reply to are your retired in-laws living with you permanently? if so, hows it going?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My FIL lived with us for 6 years. He came to the house very independent and ended up passing away in our home from cancer. He was in his late 70s when he moved in. I wouldn't change it for the world, his grandchildren adored him and we ended up having an amazing relationship ourself.

There were definitely some struggles such as the fact that he was a Great Depression baby and he hoarded every thing!!! When my husband would take him grocery shopping every Sunday that would be the time where I could throw out all of his newspapers & magazines that he received on a weekly basis. He saved used tea bags for additonal uses, washed aluminum foil and ziploc bags. I laugh about it now but sometimes it would drive me crazy.

He sold his house to move in with us and was unable to part with a lot of his belongings and our house became extremely cluttered with unneeded furniture. Who needs 4 dining room tables? Apparently we do. We ate dinner together (at the many tables), he would wash and dry the dishes, help with laundry, go out to the bar with us, pick up dry cleaning, cook oatmeal on the weekends and tidy up the house when he was indepdent. He could walk to the doctor and it was convenient that he could be at the house when home maintenance appointments needed someone to let them in. He took his grandkids outside to play and get into things that mom and dad wouldn't allow that they have fond memories of.

As he aged and became more dependent on us, he became more of a child. I made sure he took his meds, had breakfast and dinner, escorted him to doctor's appointments, pay his bills, make sure the children's toys were picked up all day long since he started shuffling his feet, carried his laundry up and down the stairs, picked up his dry cleaning, and clean up after him. As we found out he was terminally ill and he became sick, he definitely became very dependent on us, hospice ended up coming to our home and we had caregivers in our basement tend to him.

As I mentioned, definitely had some struggles from him sharing unsolicited opinions to refusing that he needed daily help to take care of himself. The end was ugly, I've never watched someone die from cancer but I know that he never wanted to be in a nursing home and am happy that he was able to die at home surrounded by his loved ones. He once read stories to the children every evening and in the end the children and I read him a story every night. Sure it can be an inconvenience, and they do get grumpy as they get older, a bathroom is cluttered with a shower chair & baby bathtub, you feel stuck in the sandwich generation, you have visitors in your home when you just want to walk around naked; however, you smile and take a picture when your kid is sitting in their lap and eating their food, when they get up every morning and go to the basement to see their grandfather, when grandfather's face lights up when DC attempts to sing the itsy bitsy spider.

Several months after his passing, we are still adjusting to life without him. If it wasn't for the cancer, I'm sure he would have lived with us into his 90s still driving me crazy but I wouldn't change it.

For the record, I didn't watch my mother take care of her parents and it's not the norm for my husband or myself. My ILs never expected to live after 50 as they had way too much fun during their hippie days, they saved very little for retirement but he had enough to pay for his caregivers at the end. [/quote]

What a beautifully written post.  I teared up when reading it.  My mother was similarly responsible for her mother in law (my grandmother), and I know sometimes felt annoyance.  But she (and all of us) would give anything to have her back since her passing last year.[/quote]

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