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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As someone who has the difficult parents (actually, just one, my dad is awesome), let your husband handle his mother how he sees fit, and leave it alone.  You'll likely only end up driving a wedge between you and your husband on this, and you'll be in the wrong.  I made it clear to my husband from day one that how I handle my mother is up to me because it doesn't affect him (I don't let her come over and yell at him, for example).  He wasn't there my whole life, and has no idea of all the complications involved in our relationship, so he respects whatever I choose to say or do because, like I said, it doesn't affect him.  Let your husband do and say what he wants and acknowledge that there's a lot you don't know about their relationship.  Having a difficult parent is really hard because even when you might hate them, they're your parent.  Don't make it worse for him.[/quote]

It was toughest on our marriage when my oldest child was a baby/toddler and she would successfully make him feel guilty for 1)not doing everything the way she wanted regarding caring for our baby and 2) not leaving our baby for extended periods of time in her care.  He would pressure me to "forgive her, give her another chance, not hold a grudge, etc"  It wasn't about holding a grudge, it was a true concern for safety!  Those were the worst fights. I would get so angry because I felt he was caving to her at the expense of risking our own child's well being.  Like I said....this among other things led us eventually into marriage counseling.  So, yeah, it DID affect me...and my kids.

Boundaries are MUCH more clearly drawn now, but she still is who she is.  For the most part, I do stay out of it.  When she is mean to him (say on a phone call) I'll typically just ask if he's ok and say something along the lines of "It bothers me that she treats you that way....you don't deserve it and its not fair."  He just acknowledges and says his usual "oh well, what ya gonna do" - and that's that.  No fighting.  Then I vent on a anonymous forum about family relationships  :D

[/quote]

PP here.  It's hard to know if you were being dramatic about your MIL or whether you were truly concerned for their safety, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that one, in which case, I agree with you that you needed to step in because it did affect you.  However, your post was about how he talks to his mom now, which didn't seem to me to affect you (sorry if I misread that).  In that case, I'd leave it alone.  My husband does some things with his family that drive me crazy (and affect me financially, although not drastically), but I've had to let it go out of respect for how he wants to handle it since they're his family.  I've seen stuff like this create problems between spouses (as it sounds like it did in your case if you went to counseling over it), so I would just encourage you to try to let it go now since it sounds like the worst is (hopefully) behind you.  I'm sorry you have a MIL like this.[/quote]

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