Reply to DH sent his parents money without discussing first

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "DH sent his parents money without discussing first "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]My first thought was - is this cultural? I'm Indian and know plenty of Indian and Middle Eastern couples and this is pretty much standard. Though in my small sample size, I find that there aren't too many resentments bc the couples themselves are high income dual earners --so $500 or even $5000 doesn't mean they're foregoing their own luxury homes/cars, vacations, retirement or college accounts etc. And amongst the husbands (all born and raised in the US) -- they're all pretty fair minded. If they hear that their mother in law's car is in the shop again or the oven broke but they need to wait until they find one on sale -- they are just as apt to offer the money to their MIL (or ask their wife to do so) as they would for their own parents.

I legitimately know 1 couple who I think will divorce over this issue. He's Dominican - been in the US for 5 yrs, she's white. In his view as a Dominican son, he must help his parents (with needs AND all wants) and she is shocked bc she's never seen such a thing. He's the first one in his nuclear family to leave the DR and feels obligated to help AND I think his family assumes he's rich bc he's in the US and directly asks. He sends home money monthly. And then every time they go back to the DR - his parents request expensive gifts -- laptops; big screen TVs; 5 pairs of jeans for his sister but they must all be designer; t-shirts for his dad but they can only be Ralph Lauren etc. And he will buy every last thing.

To make matters worse - they are just starting out, both working in the service industry until they land professional jobs in their fields, desperately need to save some money to upgrade their apartment/save for kids etc. and yet a huge % of what he saves, goes to his parents. I honestly think he's ok living in a studio apartment if he can provide a 3 bedroom for his parents in the DR. Obviously she is not ok with it.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics