Reply to Need to forget about someone- how? Need help.

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Need to forget about someone- how? Need help."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find if I actually let myself feel the feelings, don't fight them, feel them, they go away sooner. The toughts you have to work on stopping but let yourself feel the sadness, loneliness and the feelings will lessen over time.[/quote]

Not sure if this works for me, at the moment. My problem is that when I feel those feelings- missing him, wondering what he is doing, etc etc, I end up acting on them, and contacting him. Then I get pulled back down into the rabbit hole---if he does not respond, I analyze it and get sad. If he responds, but in a fairly short way, I analyze it and get sad. If he responds and we reengage in long back and forth conversation, I feel happy. It's like a drug addiction that I know is not good for me, I try and go cold turkey but have slip ups.[/quote]

[b]Nooooo you have to go completely cold turkey. Seriously there is no other way, don't drag it out - don't do that to yourself. It will be tough and honestly it will likely take months once you do so...but you CAN feel sane again. However, that will only start once you truly cut it off. It will get easier with time...you'll still get those occasional strong pangs (it really is almost like a drug!), but with the benefit of time and space you'll recognize that they will pop up and pass relatively quickly. That makes it easier to see them rationally, and decide not to act on them (which feels good, trust me). But seriously you have to go entirely no contact, for the long haul. And in the meantime, don't drink too much [/[/b]quote]

Thank you for this. I've gone thru weeks or 1, 2 months without contacting him. But never more than that. Either I cave and reach out, or inevitably, just as soon as i think I have turned the corner, he reaches out.[/quote]

I'm PP and yes I can toootally relate to that. I was stuck in that (soul crushingly all-encompassing...) dynamic for almost 2 years all said and done, which is pathetic I know. There'd be an intense week or so where we were texting constantly - perfect banter,  felt like an otherworldly connection etc etc you know the drill - followed by a couple months of silence and the whole thrill of who will reach out first??  This isn't an area I particularly wished to have expertise in...buuuut I do so hopefully you can benefit! Seriously it's the only way, the sooner you truly cut the cord the sooner you can start to move on.

The whole back and forth chase thing is alluring and can be way too fun, but you KNOW what's happening when he hasn't heard from you in 2 months and then reaches out - he's making sure he still 'has' you; making sure he's still in the forefront of your mind because he can annoyingly sense that maybe you've had a few good days of non-obsessing. I think it helps to think about future you, and how appreciative she'll be if you end this maturely with your head high and pride intact, and start the inevitable grieving then healing process. I agree with posters who recommend writing out your feelings (or talking out with a trusted friend, if you prefer) - not to send to him, but you have to get those feelings out somehow. Take their power away

[/quote]

^same PP again. I wanted to add: I'm not sure about your situation or what's going on in your / his life. But I'll come out and say it bc this is anonymous: in my case, he was married. (I know, not cool at all. And we never even got physical...but we went deeeeep down the destructive emotional affair rabbithole). But anyways because of that, I was obviously ashamed and keeping it all in. I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about it. When I finally did, I was terrified but the relief was INSANE. I don't know if you have a close trusted friend you feel like you could share this with, but that was a huge part of my healing, as well as my accountability. I told my best friend about it and would text her instead when I was having a moment of weakness and wanted to reach out to him. Believe it or not that whole time actually brought us even closer. I was able to be similarly there for her when she went through a hard breakup later. Opening up to her brought me both solidarity and accountability - not sure if it's an option but you would be surprised how wonderful and understanding people who really have your back are when life gets hard, if you let them [/quote]

Thanks for this. I have confided in a friend who has been very supportive, nonjudgemental, but also firm with advice. Very grateful for this friend, but its utimately something I have to conquer on my own, and it has been a yo yo now, back and forth, ups and downs. I'm tired of feeling so obsessive over every word or non-word.[/quote]

Good, I'm glad to hear that. And ah I know exactly what you mean by firm with advice - you know logically she's right, but it's just not that easy when it feels SO constant and complicated and all-consuming. I can tell you I do totally understand how you're feeling, and if you offered me $3 million to go back to that point in my life and have to relive it, I'm honestly not sure that I would take it. It suuuuucked. But I'm happy to report that almost 5 years later I'm GOOD...I'm living an entirely different life. There was a lot of perspective that came once I truly allowed myself to separate from the madness. So, just know that *I* believe in you! I think it's huge that you've taken a step back and realized you're in an unhealthy place and need to get out of it. Cutting it off for good will be hard but SO worth it. My advice is to make that commitment to yourself. And seriously the first few weeks / months are the hardest...I'm not saying it won't annoyingly hit you out of nowhere on a random night 6 months down the road, but it's much more short-lived and easier to deal with at that point. Good luck girl! Would recommend ramping up your workout routine and binge watching a show or two in the meantime, and must reemphasize avoid drinking too much (haha aka do as I say, not as I did...). The crazy will dissipate / the spell will be broken / whatever you wanna say, I promise [/quote]

Thank you.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics