Reply to My husband won't give me 1 day off

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe he feels like he's working hard too.

Here what works:
1. Date night every Friday. At least every other Friday. Four Fridays in a month, that's 2-4 per month. Say you do every other. Do one time out while a babysitter watches baby. One Friday "in" for a movie or eating dessert/sitting on the porch or whatever. It's potentially $20 a month for sitting if you do the 1x per month out. Even with grad school you can fit that in the budget. (I know. We are so poor from school debt.)
2. It's not about who's working more/harder. It's about having equal free time. You could incorrectly say that working / free time are always transverse. That equal free time means equal working etc. but it's not, because there's also just arrived home  time, Commute time, Meal time, both help baby time. It can all feel like work. "Free time" is whatever you want to do.

What I do.

Choose hours of the week can be divided up. (For dh and I, it's Tuesday for 2 hours, Thursday for 2 hours, mostly all day Saturday and Sunday). So you might find there are 20 free hours in the week. Or 6, whatever. Set up a paper on the fridge each week with you & him to write in their initial for each block of free time you claim.

You can be as simple as that, or follow the other complex rules we have, if you're interested:
A. We write an uppercase M (my name) if it's a set-in-stone activity, like an appointment. A lowercase m if it's just claiming free time that could be moved. 
B. It doesn't have to be exactly even. Don't get caught in that argument. But that's the overarching goal. Doesn't happen for us ever. 
C. It's time to do whatever you want. You CAN hang out with the family, keep cleaning or cooking etc. or you can leave the house, or you can be alone. But if you choose cleaning/cooking that's on you. It's because you want to. That's a fine choice, but you can't resent others for it. 
D. The kids don't need to be told (sounds like you have a baby anyway). But it's not like, "look at the calendar kids! It's mommy' free time! If I'm home, they might 'bother' my free time. Polite asking if the spouse to move kids to another room is all Ican do.

But date night is critical. If you're going to divide up free time for being alone/ out of the house, then first and foremost you need time for each other. [/quote]

Are you serious? DH is being controlling and emotionally abusive and you're advocating for date night. Lol. Yeah, no. [/quote]

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