Reply to WHat is the secret to happy relatively peaceful extended families?

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[quote=Anonymous]I think part of the problem is the presumption that every event needs to be a "whole-family" event.  People are different one-on-one than they are in a group.  As hard as it may be to start, see if you can spend some time with just SIL.  Form a relationship directly with her.  It really does change the dynamic between two people, which makes the subsequent group events much easier to deal with.  Then put less pressure on yourself to conform to her preferences for whole-group activities, and just politely decline and walk away when she insists on something that doesn't work for you.  Spend time individually with MIL/FIL too.

But, choose those instances carefully.  If you ALWAYS decline and walk away, then you'll be the pain-in-the-ass who can't deal with other people's preferences.  Aim for "go along to get along" 75% of the time, and decline and walk away the other 25%.

For that 75%, just ask yourself "is it really worth sacrificing my relationship with DH's family because I want to go for pizza instead of BBQ tonight?".  Generally the answer is no.  In those cases, just grin and bear it.[/quote]

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