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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]  
OP here.  I did not give him money in order to control him.  I gave him money so that he could go to college.  I encouraged him to work more, but that was not something he did.  I could have stopped giving him money and he would have left college I suppose.  But he did graduate from college in four years so that's something.

I do not expect to choose who he dates or who he marries.  However, that does not mean that I have to approve of just anyone.  I am not an intolerant person, but I do have some standards.  I suppose I can fake my approval so that I will not "lose my son", but that seems a bit disingenuous.  I think children can sense your disapproval even if you fake it.  Just saying.  Maybe I need to learn to do this.

I will definitely stop giving him money.  I would much rather see him independent of me.  For sure.  Getting to know his girlfriend would be easier if she didn't live 4 hours away and didn't have to spend the night in my house (because that is what he wants me to approve of).  And putting her in a separate room would be very uncomfortable knowing that they have been together for 3 years.  Does this make sense?

I understand what you are saying.  I think if he were living in a separate abode with her it would be easier for me to deal with it because he would not be dependent upon me for anything.  You are lucky that your four children never moved back in after college.  I don't think having children move back in after college is unusual these days.  It's not something you had to deal with.  [/quote]

You have some standards, your DS doesn't. You can't have standards for him. It is too late now to go back and not expect him to get a job during college, which you should have done. Having kids move in after college is not unusual around the world. My DS is off to college this fall, he just texted me that he got a job offer for right out of college, around 60K, yes he has a profitable skill he already acquired. My not yet 16 year old is applying for jobs, late, I might say, as many of her friends already work part time. Where are you originally from? This doesn't sound like a normal US mom behavior.[/quote]

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