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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]  
OP here.  I did not give him money in order to control him.  I gave him money so that he could go to college.  I encouraged him to work more, but that was not something he did.  I could have stopped giving him money and he would have left college I suppose.  But he did graduate from college in four years so that's something.

I do not expect to choose who he dates or who he marries.  However, that does not mean that I have to approve of just anyone.  I am not an intolerant person, but I do have some standards.  I suppose I can fake my approval so that I will not "lose my son", but that seems a bit disingenuous.  I think children can sense your disapproval even if you fake it.  Just saying.  Maybe I need to learn to do this.

I will definitely stop giving him money.  I would much rather see him independent of me.  For sure.  Getting to know his girlfriend would be easier if she didn't live 4 hours away and didn't have to spend the night in my house (because that is what he wants me to approve of).  And putting her in a separate room would be very uncomfortable knowing that they have been together for 3 years.  Does this make sense?

I understand what you are saying.  I think if he were living in a separate abode with her it would be easier for me to deal with it because he would not be dependent upon me for anything.  You are lucky that your four children never moved back in after college.  I don't think having children move back in after college is unusual these days.  It's not something you had to deal with.  [/quote]

OP I'm  just a coule years older than your son.  I lived with my parents for a time post college,  they didn't pay for my car, my insurance. I had to pay a small amount of rent, and I couldn't have my boyfriend sleep over.  Why?  Because my parents didn't want me to get to comfortable. They wanted me to be an adult, move out get a place of my own, I would have had no reason to do that if  mom & dad were financing everything.
Right now you're son's got it made . He doesn't have to work,  you guys are paying for his car, his got a free place to live and a girlfriend. What cause does he have to grow up?

As for getting to know the girl, you can have her over for dinner and that doesn't mean she has to stay the night.   [/quote]

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