Reply to Spouse/kids excluded from family event

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op it is very noticeable that you don't even mention it hypothesize about why they don't like you, or why you think they don't like you, or what your DH says when you ask him why they don't like you. This is the big missing piece in this weird story. What is the reason? Or, why don't you seem curious about it? [/quote]

This is the part that doesn't make sense. Do they not think you're actually Jewish? Or is there something about you that they didn't accept from the beginning of your relationship? Like divorced, kids from previous relationship, your job, education, your family, something from your background....?

It sounds like you need counselling. That's not snarky at all - I see a therapist as needed.[/quote]

It sounds as though BIL and his wife were giving Op the cold shoulder from the get go.  [b]You think Op needs counseling to figure out why people who barely speak to her and aren't particularly civil towards her don't like her?[/b]

Seems to me the ones with the issues are not Op.  It is understandable that Op's dh wants to see his parents and brother - he grew up with them, they raised him, of course he loves them.  But they also sound like manipulators who offer conditional love - on their terms only. He either takes it or leaves it. When they ask him to jump, it is his job to ask how high.

This has probably been the way it's been for Op's dh since before he met Op.  He doesn't recognize it as a problem because that is all he knows.[/quote]

Not really why I suggested counselling. I would want to figure out the marriage where she talks about loving each other less because of his birth family. I would also figure out boundaries ahead of time, knowing these exclusions occur and how to not get into the drama. That's just how I live. I probably wouldn't stay married to someone that let his family treat me and my kids this way. And I don't like divorce - married 30 years to my high school sweetheart with many issues worked out along the way.[/quote]

Op's dh is the one who needs counseling because he is the one who views the exclusion of his wife and children as normal and o.k.  That is not coming from Op, that is coming from her dh and his family.  The one thing that is notable, though, is that the BIL gave this invitation AFTER Op asked her dh to ask BIL about it.  It seems as though maybe BIL was not going to invite her dh either until her dh asked about it.

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Clearly dh would benefit from counselling, but he isn't the one posting here or looking for a change. We can only change/control ourselves.[/quote]

Actually it sounds as though Op has a handle on the situation.  She seems to get that her husband's family is mistreating her and her kids.  So she is willingly backing away from them, not stirring up drama and her husband is now the one with some choices to make.  I wouldn't act like this exclusion was no big deal because it is a big deal and it is hurtful.  There is also not a thing that Op can do about it.  His family has apparently drawn a line in the sand when it comes to Op and only her dh is allowed on their side of the line.  That's a shame but it is what it is.

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