Reply to Unhappy with my marriage but not sure divorce will be any better

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[quote=ddintysons][quote]The problem with "will my divorce be better for me" is that there is a natural comparison to compare your current situation to pre-marriage. It's totally unrealistic.

Pre-marriage, the dating pool was enormous, almost limitless, no one had real "baggage." Post-divorce, the singles market is totally, completely, different. Add on to the fact the split custody, the hit to finances, the holidays without the kids, the total loss of control over what the kids do when they are with your ex. Also, some kids handle divorce well, others don't and it's not always easy to predict which way it will go. A lot of that depends on how your ex responds to the divorce. No matter how mature you are, if your ex is determined to blow it all up, they can ruin the kids and your relationship with them in the process.[/quote]

Not sure this post is completely balanced in comparing pre-marriage dating to post-marriage dating.

First, the pre-marriage dating pool had its drawbacks as well.  There were many people in that pre-pool that had major baggage (e.g., they had been abused, molested, etc.) they had to deal with and there were many, many, more slinging the day-to-day crazy around (e.g., type that would become an ex determined to "blow it all up" for no good reason.)

The pre-marriage pool is different than the post poll since the pre-pool included fewer people who had been married before (at least it did for me as I got married at 26) and included greater percentage of single people my age.  However, I am 53 and there are a huge number of women my age out there that would be wonderful to date (and I hope they would feel the same way about the supply of men.)

My kids are adults (or think they are adults and act like it most of the time) and we divorced when the youngest was a senior in high school.  That did make it easier.

The poster is very right in that a lot depends on how your ex (and you) handle the divorce.  It can be tough, but it can also free you and your ex from hurting each other a little bit more each day.[/quote]

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