Reply to If your parents divorced when you were not a minor, how did it affect you?

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Reply to "If your parents divorced when you were not a minor, how did it affect you?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It affects me a lot.  Don't fall for the wishful thinking that it won't, or that the impact is only emotional.  It has been really difficult for me to care for them separately as they age, in separate locations.  The logustics are not just the holidays, they are every time a parent gets sick or needs help with moving or something.  Neither one really has enough savings to afford a nice retirement.  My mom is single and lonely, she really dislikes having less grandchild time.  The worst is when they are sick at the same time and I have to choose between them.  There is no way tp avoid being caught in the middle now that I am an adult and they are losing their ability to live independently.

My main advice is do not expect your children to like this.  Go ahead and do it if you want and can afford to, but know that it is going to be very difficult for them.  Decide if it is worth it to you, knowing that you will probably see less of your kids and grandkids.[/quote]

I agree 100%.  My parents divorced after almost 30 years of marriage when I was in my mid-20s and my youngest sister was still in college.  The house I grew up in was happy and I remember thinking when I was in college how lucky I was to have a good, intact family.  Then they both had mid-life crises and instead of working through them my mom walked out, rather impulsively.  She had no money saved, no plan, she just wanted something different.  In her head, Christmas in her new life was Christmas with her three kids just minus the husband.  She gave no thought to Christmases alone and that we kids would need to split time with our dad.  She gave no thought to aging or money.  We kids went back and forth blaming one parent or the other.  Our family never recovered.  There was no new normal.   As we got married, our nuclear family ceased to exist.  Now, both of my parents are aging poorly and even though neither is very old the burdens have been tremendous.  My sisters and I have been fighting about who does what, complicated by the fact that I am not local and they are.  At the moment we  are not speaking.  I feel like I have no family anymore.   My mom never got the fancy life she imagined and although my dad did recover and had some long term girlfriends they are both alone now and will likely die that way.  Meanwhile, my ILs just celebrated their 65th anniversary and although their marriage is far from perfect they support each other, which has contributed greatly to their longevity and independence as they push 90.[/quote]

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