Reply to 3 mos in, are we done?

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[quote=Anonymous]I think the push pull is entirely in you. He might be part of it too, but from what you've reported you are the one going slow, p putting on the breaks, etc--which is FINE and appropriate when you have a young child. But it also seems to me that you enjoy the fact that he's been the pursuer and the minute you have one small incident that suggests he's just taking a moment breather you freak out. There needs to be room for him to have space, to take things slowly, etc, as well, and if you've been the one putting the brakes on this whole time and suddenly you're upset because he's putting on the brakes, its confusing all around.  Plus, stuff like this happens in a relationship. You're three months in, he's sick and just was't that enthusiastic right before a big trip. And you immediately think he's suddenly running away. Maybe he is, or maybe he is just sick and not at his best. But what you showed him is that he's not allowed to have the same hesitancy as you are--that you are allowed to set when, how much/and the tone of the relationship but he is not.

a more appropriate response would be-if you got there and sensed he was 'off'--to not make it all about you but instead say "It seems that you're really not well. I'm sorry, is there anything I can bring you? I hope you have a great trip"--and then follow up the next day with "I hope you're feeling better and I really look forward to seeing you when you're back." Instead, he's already feeling crappy and then you've unloaded on him even more stuff to feel crappy about because he was not living up to expectations that you had not, until that moment, expressed. [/quote]

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