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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
My husband is very good person- makes decent living, works hard, great dad but I feel like he's not intellectually challenging enough and I am running circles around him on figuring most things out.
   He likes Fox News and espn--- which is fine, but never interested in reading or anything intellectual. I don't think he's read a book in our 15 years of marriage.  He doesn't have much interesting to say and to discuss world events, watch a documentary - forget it. When anything breaks, he acts frustrated and gives up and I have to fix it.  From a broken light to a broken pack n play. I handle most of our money decisions and financial planning. I get worn out as I would live someone who took care of that stuff for faymily.  
  I know marriage is constant work and our young kids would be devasted if we divorced, but I just feel constant frustration. He gets defensive when I get upset but I'm like, really- " you can't figure out how to work the shower in our rental vacation house".  Pull and twist the knob a little harder.  
  But I can't help but feel frustrated and I know that isn't nice. 
  I make three times the money working too but that is primarily because of different industries. He used to make more.
 I want to step back and let him take charge but feel like financially if I'm not taking control we won't be as set.
Overall how should I proceed and get over my feelings of frustration?
[/quote]

I am on marriage #2.  The reality of divorce can be really really really really painful and difficult.  Most women end up going significantly down in terms of HHI and quality of life.  Shuffling your kids around - not being able to see then when you want on your own terms -- and having to deal with the fact you lose most say in how they will be 'raised' during your non-custody times and the trauma you will put them through is likely going to be so much harder on you than you can conceive.   You may think that you will meet Mr. Perfect in the next go round, but having dated for 8+ years between the first and second... the fish in the sea are often fowl.  And trying to do that with young kids....  and how do you exposure your kids to that.  and how you will expose your kids to your future exes dating life.  My first husband was super handy & could fix nearly anything.  My second can't use a hammer without hurting himself.  And he has ADD -- so constantly forgets things.  Do I resent that and feel lots of frustrations ... you betcha.  I get how bad it can be to feel 'trapped' in a bad marriage.  But just would take serious account of the realistic consequences of the action - really think about not just the 'freedom' but the negative consequences of it (and how much you will resent that your future ex will seem much better off than you will feel in so many ways...)  Being nearly 50 now, I would also recommend thinking about a lot of what you are feeling as some normal mid-life crisis frustrations... that it's not about 'outgrowing' but often about 'growing up' and accepting that life isn't the rose garden we all thought it might be, although there are lots of flowers along the way, but you need to plant and tend to them.  [/quote]

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