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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've been seeing this woman for three months. She's divorced with a 8 year old. She's a nice woman, I haven't met her kid. I don't have kids so I have more free time than she does. I'm a very spontaneous person and I love to plan surprise outings or trips. It's really hard to do with her because her and her ex don't have a set time when he has the kid so this make things difficult. Honestly, I'm thinking about ending things with her because of this and since it's still early in the relationship. Would I be a jerk for ending this because of this?[/quote]

OP she needs to be organized with the visits, and yes they need to be set days and times. That's stability for the child, and all involved. First I would ask her if she could do that so you could all make plans. Either the child will attend or when child is with dad, you can plan adult things.  Put it that way. [b]If she's not on board, I would deem her a flake[/b] and move on. [/quote]

What? Why? Because she doesn't like to take lots of trips? I might deem her a homebody, or even a stick-in-the-mud depending on her reasons, but why a "flake?"[/quote]

Her and her ex don't have a set time when he has the kids. Yes that's flaky! [/quote]

You are blaming her for something she doesn't control.  You can only have a set schedule when your co-parent agrees.  Yes, my ex has a set schedule, but in practice he often calls at the last minute and says he'll be late or he's going out of town for work.  What am I going to do - leave my kids dangling?  Yes, I can say he has to get a sitter, but frankly I'd rather have the time with the kids than have him leave them alone, or with a rando sitter or crazy relative or girlfriend.

You people think we have some control over our ex-spouses.  Believe me, if I could control him, I would've forced him not to cheat or lie.  But, I could no more do that than force him to be a responsible parent.[/quote]

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