Reply to 'Thank God!' for a healthy baby. Please explain.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Please help me process this, I don't know where else to ask. In Dec my 10 month old son died after a brutal battle with a heart defect. He never left the ICU in all of that time. My husband and I went to great lengths to get pregnant after many fail attempts and finally got pregnant with twins after IVF abroad.

I am now pregnant naturally with a miracle due exactly 9 months from his funeral. Obviously we are still in shock and disbelief with a host of complex emotions and feelings. I had a fetal echo to check out the heart this week and it came back normal and healthy. So I posted that much on Facebook. Everyone was incredibly supportive about it. I also had some "Praise God" and "Thanks be to God" on my post. I don't get it. These are people that prayed fervently for my son to be healed. Why would I thank god for creating this healthy heart when he gave my son a defective one? I'm so irritated by this and I've been thinking about it all day. On one hand I almost see it as a pat saying like "awesome" or "yay". I just don't understand this thought process. Help me understand and I mean that in a genuinely curious way. [/quote]

OP, your post has been on my mind a lot over the last week days.  I am the Hospice Minister that often posts in this forum.  I am so very sorry that your precious 10 month old son died.  Most people will never understand the grief that comes with watching your child die.  I hope you are beginning to move towards a place of peace.

I want to try to respond to your questions, not because I have the answers.  But because I deal with the same questions every day.  I think the most obvious answer to why people say things like "Praise God" or "Thank you God" is because they don't know what else to say.  Most people are truly trying to be supportive.  They are responding in the only way they know.  I would encourage you not to read too much into it.  Try to accept it for what it is - People are trying to show you support.

The other question you seem to be asking is "why?".  I'm not sure what your faith path is.  It really doesn't matter.  Everyone seeks the same answers when something painful and unexplainable happens. Why would God create a child knowing he was going to die?  What would I feel gratitude towards a God who allowed my firstborn to die?  If God is so great, why didn't he answer the prayers of the many people praying for his healing?

I believe that you will find the answers to these questions in time.  Right now your grief is very new.  Grief counseling with a good therapist can be so beneficial in helping you sort through all the emotions associated with profound loss.  If you aren't already in therapy, I hope you'll give some consideration to joining a support group.   We have a pediatric wing in our Hospice facility and I do a lot of home Hospice care as well.  I have walked this path with so many parents.  One thing I have learned that seems to be universally true.  You will find the answers to your questions in time.  That precious little boy lived inside you for 9 months.  And he lived on this earth for another 10 months. His life had meaning and purpose.  He lived for a reason.  As you continue your grief work, I believe you'll learn more about that purpose.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!  I'm wishing you an easy pregnancy and an even easier delivery.

[/quote]

No one ever finds answers to those questions.[/quote]

+1 The hospice minister's response was lovely except for this -- the assurance that OPs questions would be answered - that a purpose for her baby's death eventually would be revealed.

Coming to an understanding of God's meaning is one possible outcome.  It's also possible that over time people find comfort with a certain explanation for their loss and their baby's suffering without ever really finding an answer that relates to a benevolent God.

Perhaps OPs faith in God will prevail and  even get stronger. Another possibility is that OP will find comfort or closure with the concept that there is not a god and no benevolent being was involved in any way in the death of her son.[/quote]

I respectfully disagree. It has nothing to do with God or religion. People who are not religious find answers as well. In my experience as a minister who has literally been with hundreds of families through terminal illness, death, and grief after death, they all find answers. The answers are as different as the individuals.  The answers sometimes have nothing to do with God.  But they are answers that lead to an understanding of purpose and eventually to a place of peace. Perhaps it's because people who are in our support groups are actively seeking those answers. [/quote]

What are some of the answers that people have found, in your experience?[/quote]

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