Reply to I made a pretty big blunder in judgment

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Reply to "I made a pretty big blunder in judgment"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Who cares? If this all happened after she wasn't a student at the school, what's the problem? I assume she was legally an adult? If so, then nobody will care. You sound like you're just jerking yourself off over this. [/quote]

No offense but I've older prof friends who are telling me diff. I would love to believe you. But, they are telling me based on the texts this student could--if angry or made upset--contact my future university employer and tell them I'm a sex predator. And while not true, let's look at the current landscape of sexual harassment claims on college campuses. Not exactly a stretch to say some noise/smoke can lead to problems. Maybe it doesn't even emanate from the student but from a parent or sibling who observes the student looking upset or depressed, asks questions, then comes to wrongly believe student was harassed or that they need to warn future employer of predatory behavior...[/quote]

I think you are right to be cautious. There are some young women who get into relationships with older men and then try to wreck their lives if he breaks it off. Hopefully, she is not one of them, but play it safe. Just make it clear that you don't want her to send you photos like that any more and try to steer things away from anything that could be construed as sexual. Over the long haul, just gradually do a fade out. If she isn't nuts, she'll move on as well. If she tries something, it doesn't sound like you did anything illegal, or break any rules. In the future, maintain a professional distance from women in the workplace at all times, ESPECIALLY if you work in academia. One "joke" that falls flat could end your career.[/quote]

Thank you. This is good advice and about all I can really do right now. It was one social night out on the town that did not involve a hook up [b]beyond a little cuddling/bumping up against each other[/b]. My main mistake was flirting back later that evening when she escalated the banter -- fortunately nothing too x-rated, but enough to make me look like someone without good judgement. [/quote]

[b]You keep adding little details that suggest that you were flying a little closer to the sun than you originally indicated[/b].[/quote]

This.  OP - your text messages were probably over the line and you know that if they were read aloud back to you, you'd cringe.

As pointed out, flirting over coffee is one thing.  Cuddling and rubbing against someone is something totally different.

But moving forward:  agree that the best way is avoid escalating the situation.  Just slowly fade.  [/quote]

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