Reply to Divorcees - any red flags from the beginning?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH turned out to be an emotionally abusing, lying, cheating, lazy, controlling narcissist. The red flags in the beginning were subtle. I have dated extensively. I had several serious relationships, good and bad, before this.

He was too perfect.
He wanted to be involved in everything I was, he was everywhere I was.
He wanted to get married and move in quick. 
He wanted to combine finances quick.
He was volunteering for a project I ran. After we got together, he ignored all my requests/directives for how things were done.
He told me a project I was proud of was stupid and proceeded for hours to tell me how he would do it better.
He

Advice:

Don't move in for years. Take years. 
Don't have kids. If it goes wrong, you are always stuck with that guy.
If you have kids, wait until years after you are married.
Never combine finances. Never quit your job or stay at home without having steady freelance work.
Always stash your own money away he doesn't know about. When mine found out about my stash, it wound up being talked into a home improvement project.
Never agree to be put on joint credit cards. 
Always have an out. A plan in case you need to leave with kids.[/quote]

Wanting to move fast is a BIG big flag for abuse.  I had an abusive ex (didn't marry him though) and he sounds exactly like yours.  Except he didn't hold it together long enough at all.  In fact he wanted to move fast so he could get a girl commited (say by moving in, or getting a pet together, combining finances, marriage, or the worst, KIDS for other men) so he could start showing his true colors and the girl would find it harder (or impossible) to leave.  Classic abuser move.

However, that doesn't mean you need to always keep your guard up or have separate finances always or always think about an exit plan.  That's very sad.  Don't let these assholes do that to you.[/quote]

Thank you. I am newly out. 5 mo actually separated. 9 months starting to make a real exit. 5 years married.

I appreciate your hope. I am this pp, and need to hear that there is hope. I am hopeful, but still have work to do. [/quote]

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