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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's weird. Is it passive-aggressive to get back at you? Does he have visitation and not use it? [/quote]

Apparently he's stopped completely. Whatever happened he's pretty angry. When OP said she had to do a lot of stuff to facilitate their relationship that was quite telling. I'm guessing he was never crazy about being a dad,  perhaps the child wasn't planned. I believe there's more going on here, but it may be ex is tired of being tied down as well. OP said they live very close to her ex so now I'm wondering if he'll move. Otherwise, I don't see how he will be able to avoid the both of them for too long.

OP, are you or ex dating or with other people? I'm wondering if there's some other influences going on with your ex. [/quote]

You kind of hit the nail on the head.  [b]He did not want to be a father and begged me to have an abortion.  I wouldn't and made it clear to him that he could totally not be involved if he didn't want to be.[/b]  He felt that his parents would really be hurt if he abandoned his child so he slowly came around.  Just because he didn't want the baby does not mean he got to punish me or our child. I still expected him to act like a responsible adult if he was around our child.  That has not happened.  I made a huge mistake by allowing to basically be a buddy. [b] I do all of the parenting.  He comes over (or used to) 5-6 times a week to play with our son but as soon as he has to be an actual parent he is out of there. [/b] The reason I blew up at him was because he did something dangerous.  The man is a child who cannot grow up.  But there is no situation or emotion that I could (and do) feel for him that would keep me away from my child.  Whatever he is feeling towards me is irrelevant.  You don't go from nearly daily contact to nothing over night.

As far as dating, i don't see how that is relevant.  I have moved on a long time ago and I know he is dating too. That is not why this is happeneing.  He had a history of just disappearing when he fucks up.  He did it to his best friend in the world when friend's father died.  My x did not call him or go to the funeral. Instead of apologizing he blocked the friend, completely.  I guess I should have predicted this.

I am not calling him or chasing him down.  But when his child runs into him on the street I think I have a right to be upset that his father tries to hide.[/quote]

OP, you answered the question in your title with this follow-up post.

Did you really mean it when you said he "could totally not be involved if he didn't want to be"? Because I think that's the message he gave you before the birth and continues to give. Did you think that once he saw his beautiful son he would morph into Mr. Family Man? Why do you think he would pursue a relationship with the child he wanted you to abort?

I get it, he's a d!ck. So was my "father." My mother figured this out when I was 18 months old, divorced his abusive ass, and moved me to another state because she realized that having him in my life (or hers) would be very detrimental to me. So she didn't give me a chance to develop a relationship with him, as you have done. Your ex doesn't sound abusive, but please don't downplay the emotional damage that he is doing by rejecting your son. It's unfortunate that you tried to shoehorn this guy into playing Daddy but it's clearly not a role he wants. Yes, in a perfect world, all men would step up to the plate and be the dad their kids deserve, but he is either unable or unwilling to do this. Understandably, your son wants a father, and is sad and confused because this relationship that you have forced isn't happening, because Ex is showing his true colors. Which he told you about before the birth. If I were you, I'd cut him out of my son's life now.

P.S. Before the red-pillers jump in here to tell me how terrible my mother was for denying my sperm donor the chance to be involved in my life: He was worse than I ever imagined, as I discovered when I reconnected with him a few years ago. I got to know his wife and the several children they had together. And he is as abusive and mentally ill as ever. The damage he has done to those kids is irreversible and long-lasting, and I soon saw that I was going to have to cut ties with him to stop him from having any effect on me or my own children. I didn't understand at the time why I never saw him; now I am so, so grateful that he was not part of my life then (or now).

Not every man is father material. I'm sorry that your ex seems to fall into this category.

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